LOVE -When intercourse is called "making love."

LUST -When intercourse is called "screwing."

MARRIAGE -When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.

LOVE -When you argue over how many children to have.

LUST -When you argue over who gets the wet spot.

MARRIAGE -When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

LOVE -When you share everything you own.

LUST -When you steal everything they own.

MARRIAGE -When the bank owns everything.

LOVE -When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.

LUST -When the relationship is over if you don't climax.

MARRIAGE -When ... uh ... what's a climax?

LOVE -When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."

LUST -When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.

MARRIAGE -When you phone each other to bitch about work.

LOVE -When you write poems about your partner.

LUST -When all you write is your phone number.

MARRIAGE -When all you write is checks.

LOVE -When your only concern is for your partner's feelings.

LUST -When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all around.

MARRIAGE -When you're only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE -When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.

LUST -When you only see each other naked.

MARRIAGE -When you never see each other awake.

LOVE -When your heart flutters every time you see them.

LUST -When your groin twitches every time you see them.

MARRIAGE -When your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE -When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.

LUST -When the song on the radio determines how you do it.

MARRIAGE -When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE -When breaking up is something you try not to think about.

LUST -When staying together is something you try not to think about.

MARRIAGE -When just getting through the day is your only thought.

LOVE -When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.

LUST -When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.

MARRIAGE -When you're only interested in your golf score.

LOVE -When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.

LUST -When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.

MARRIAGE -When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.

LOVE -You only leave the house to buy coffee and doughnuts.

LUST -You only leave the house to buy condoms and Vaseline.

MARRIAGE-You only leave the house when you're allowed.

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