60 above - Floridians wear coats

60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats.

Chicago people sunbathe.



50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.

Chicago people plant gardens.



40 above - Italian cars won't start.

Chicago people drive with the windows down.



32 above - Distilled water freezes.

Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.



20 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably.

Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.



15 above - New York landlords finally turn up the heat.

Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.



0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico.

Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the

sweatshirt.



20 below - People in Miami cease to exist.

Chicago people get out their winter coats.



40 below - Hollywood disintegrates.

Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.



60 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.

Chicago's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets

cold enough.



80 below - Mount St. Helen's freezes.

Chicago people rent some videos.



100 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.

Chicago people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.



297 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products.

Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.



460 below - ALL atomic motion stops.

Chicago people start saying. . ."Cold 'nuff for ya??"



500 below - Hell freezes over.

The Chicago Cubs win the World Series.



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