Then: The perfect high.

Now: The perfect high-yield mutual fund.

Then: KEG.

Now: EKG.

Then: Acid Rock.

Now: Acid reflux.

Then: Moving to California because it's cool.

Now: Moving to California because it's warm.

Then: Pot.

Now: Pot belly.

Then: Watching John Glenn make history.

Now: Watching John Glenn on the History channel.

Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

Now: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

Then: Seeds and stems are bad.

Now: Roughage is good.

Then: Popping pills, smoking joints.

Now: Popping joints.

Then: Our president's struggle with Fidel.

Now: Our president's struggle with fidelity.

Then: Killer weed.

Now: Weed killer.

Then: Wishing you could have a BMW.

Now: Wishing you could have a BM.

Then: The Grateful Dead.

Now: Dr. Kevorkian.

Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint.

Now: Getting a new hip joint.

Then: Rolling Stones.

Now: Kidney stones.

Then: Being called into the principal's office.

Now: Being called by the principal's office.

Then: Screw the system!

Now: Upgrade the system!

Then: Peace sign.

Now: Mercedes logo.

Then: Parents begging you to get your hair cut.

Now: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.

Then: Acid.

Now: Antacid.

Then: Passing the driver's test.

Now: Passing the vision test.

Then: "Whatever"

Now: "Depends Home Miscellaneous Next