• Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats

meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed

holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about

the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.

• Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is

asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every

morning.

• Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as

looking at your watch and saying "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

• Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for

Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like, THEY, were here again."

and kick him/her

in the stomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream.

• Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've been

watching too much "Beavis &

Butthead." Do it again. Tell him/her that

you're not sorry because this time, they deserved it.

• Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you

wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses.

Complain that you've been having terrible nightmares.

• Eat lots of "Lucky Charms."

Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile

them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are

coming, but you can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the

consequences.

• Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire about

a full report. Insist that he/she do the same.

• "Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in

training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.

• Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate you're

going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home Unpack

everything and go to sleep.

• Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Oh, my God! Where the hell am

your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.

• Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it

and say "It's spreading, it's spreading."

• Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the

• Buy a plant Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks start

to argue with it loudly. Then yell, "I can't live in the same room with

you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but

keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.

• Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops

out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.

• Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at

your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."

• Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back and

tries to unlock it, yell, "Don't come in, I'm naked!" Keep this up for

several hours. When you finally let your roommate in immediately take off

all of your clothes, and ignore your roommate.

• Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours of

the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of

• If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with

a rolling pin Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..."

• Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't know how

they got there.

• Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one

pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

• Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room

and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One

day miraculously "recover." Insist that your roommate write out a will,

leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs excitedly say, "Oooh,

are you dying?"

• Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back

into the room and tell your roommate, "Okay, your turn."

• Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days Then get rid of the tarantula.

If your roommate asks, say "Oh, he's around here somewhere."

• Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend

to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was.

Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up

for several weeks.

• Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the

building. Award someone a t friend!