Shirley and Sophie are elderly widows

， You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

， Your back goes out more than you do.

， You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

， You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

， You are proud of your lawn mower.

， Your best friend is dating someone half their age ......and isn't breaking any laws.

， You call Olan Mills before they call you.

， Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

， You sing along with the elevator music.

， You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

， You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

， You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

， You make an appointment to see the dentist.

， You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

， Neighbors borrow your tools.

， People call at 9p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

， You have a dream about prunes.

， You answer questions with, "Because I said so!".

， You send money to PBS.

， The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

， You take a metal detector to the beach.

， You wear black socks with sandals.

， You know what the word "equity" means.

， You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

， Your ears are hairier than your head.

， You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

， You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

， You got cable for the weather channel, ( "Old Folks MTV.")

， You can go bowling without drinking.

， You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize



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